I don't know what type of design that FIFA will release for the balls used at the World Cup this year, but I know what color they should be. The local authorities in Qatar have made it known that there will be no sex if you are single, no drinking in public places and no partying. So if you want to have fun you might as well stay home.
What else is an event like the Cup good for if you're single than living it up, singing along like a drunken fool with your fellow country mates and possibly getting a happy ending each night? One of the funniest stories that comes out of every Olympics is the athlete village always running out of condoms no matter how many they keep in stock. These athletes and fans have spent years of their lives working to achieve this level of success, what's wrong with a little celebratory hanky panky on the side?
Not that they're any stranger to making horrible decisions, but FIFA going along with this is both no surprise but also a massively dumb decision if they don't go full villain and lean into this absurdity. I'm gonna need a few things from them:
- Each game has a new ball that is an increasingly darker shade of blue. Start with a nice and light sky blue and have the championship game played with a deep navy.
- Games that go into penalty kicks should have a new ball with a golden brown color with white bubbles to remind everyone of all the beer they're not drinking while at the games. Maybe they can get fancy with it and design a foam head like it's being poured from a tap or something.
- Forget national anthems, Party Hard by Andrew W.K. needs to kick off every match.
- Give me nothing but Budweiser, Guinness, Stella Artois ads all over the fields. Nothing else, only beer and liquor ads.
- All local hotels need to be decorated with party favors and completed with a disco ball and strobe lights
- Each team must play at least one game with beer goggles
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