Seriously, What Does Dan Snyder Have on You?

Posted by on

 


I'm not even interested in speculating anymore. Daniel Snyder has something on every owner in the league and is the only explanation why he still owns The Team. There's no other logical explanation for this. I mean, look at this absolutely pathetic response by Roger Goodell when asked if he thinks Snyder has been held accountable to an appropriate level:



So instead of wondering more about Snyder, I thought it would be a good idea to figure out what he most likely has on each team:


1. Arizona - probably knows who they paid off to have the Refs be overprotective of Kyler Murray

2. Atlanta - Arthur Blank secretly put a massive bet on the Falcons to lose in the Super Bowl which is why they gave up such a big lead. 

3. Baltimore - Snyder stole the secret recipe to Berger cookies and is holding it as ransom.

4. Buffalo Bills - he knows what they put in the water to make fans jump through tables

5. Carolina - This was probably my hardest one. I dunno, maybe David Tepper is embezzling money

6. Chicago - "If I'm gone then people start focusing on your incompetence more."

7. Cincinnati- "you're Cincinnati... shut up."

8. Cleveland - must be nice to be relevant again right Browns? Get me out of the league and I'll do everything I can to screw up your momentum

9. Dallas - self explanatory, outs Jerry Jones as the Devil himself

10. Denver - outs an absurd amount of players for growing, selling or smoking pounds of weed

11. Detroit - "the only reason you're better than Cincinnati is because you play on Thanksgiving. Shut up"

12. Green Bay - they have shareholders, not an owner. They'll take too long to make a decision so not a concern. 

13. Houston - DeShaun Watson. Need I say more?

14. Indianapolis - Been a while since anyone has heard about Jim Irsay doing drugs hasn't it?

15. Jacksonville - something, something, Florida and meth

16. Kansas City - you're the Chiefs. If I'm gone you're next

17. Las Vegas - we all hate Mark Davis so nobody will listen to him anyway. We took out Gruden we can do what we want. 

18. Los Angeles Chargers - Dean Spanos left some skeletons in the closet when he left San Diego

19. Los Angeles Rams - do we want to look at Stan Kroenke's tax returns?

20. Miami - something something, Florida, cochise

21. Minnesota - we gave you Kirk Cousins. We've already won

22. New England - does anyone trust what you guys say? You've probably got some other hidden scandal we can find to distract people. 

23. New Orleans - Taylor Hill is secretly Sean Payton's love child. Snyder has the papers to prove it. 

24. New York Giants - has a recording of the Mara's saying they wanted to ruin Eli's consecutive games started streak

25. New York Jets - .... I mean, they're the Jets.

26. Philadelphia - their own drama is leaking already but he has more dirt on things when Doug Pederson was there.

27. Pittsburgh- covering up more allegations against Ben Roethlisberger, which is why he's still the starter when he's clearly washed.

28. San Francisco - He's got some kind of dirt from Kyle Shanahan's days in DC. Nobody leaves here clean when Snyder is in charge.

29. Seattle - Stolen documents from Pete Carroll's office showing he's the reason Russell Wilson has never received an MVP vote in order to keep him in line.

30. Tampa Bay - something something Florida, strip club videos

31. Tennessee - Mike Vrabel has already been quoted saying he'd remove his horn to win a Super Bowl. Nobody takes him seriously. 


Somebody, anybody, please get rid of Daniel Snyder.

Comments

Post a Comment