Dear People with Small Dogs...

 

You guys know you're the worst, right? People with small dogs are some of the most obnoxious individuals you can meet on this planet. Everywhere you go someone who has a small dog has an inflated sense of self for them and their dogs. Enough is enough, it's time someone put you in your place. 

First things first, no you're dog is not cute. Being small does not always = cute. In fact, most small dogs look like they'd be better off if they were bigger. It just looks unnatural for them to be how they are. Don't even start with dogs like pugs, bulldogs or French bulldogs. If you have one of those dogs you're extra bad because you're supporting the continuation of breeds that struggle just to breath. It's cruel and unusual. 

Real dogs aren't small. That's right, I said it, if I, standing at 6'3, cannot see your dog as it stands next to me while I look straight ahead, it's too small. You know what kind of animal is meant to be that size? Cats and rats. Your tiny little ankle biter isn't a dog, it's a rat.

People who bring their small dogs into places of business are low key worse than anyone. I know that if I came into those buildings with a st Bernard the managers would give me the boot in a heartbeat, despite them being notoriously chill dogs. Putting your dog in your purse, shopping cart, baby stroller (which is just creepy), or carrying it the whole time is a level of arrogance that should never be allowed. If I can't bring my big guy in, you shouldn't be allowed to bring your little yip yap thing in either.

Small dogs are extremely annoying. They're barks after the dog equivalent of a shrill Karen, and just like a Karen they don't shut up. It feels like a knife is being shoved into my ear drum every time they bark, especially indoors. Give me a bark with some bass to it instead. Also, let's not forget that these dogs can and will attempt to bite your ankles off if they feel like they need to make themselves feel big. 

Real dogs are big and broad. Give me a Great Dane, German Shepherd, Newfoundland, Rottweiler and many others all day every day over these. I mean... how can you not say these are real dogs?